|Alias(es)||That one guy|
|Main Ability||Meta Luck|
|Occupation(s)||Living in Florida|
|Base of Operations||Florida|
"Why am I always on news headlines?"
― Florida Man
Florida Man is an extremely weird man, who always appears on news headlines doing various disgusting and weird things. He always seems to be mentally retarded but has good intentions.
He is extremely erratic, mentally retarded, and probably a drug addict. He is very well meaning, and will try to do whatever he deems as the best thing for humanity, although he's fucking drunk 24/7.
- Was seen fucking a chicken with his penis dipped in frying oil, apparently "trying to do it himself".
- Single-handedly ended world war two by stopping and asking the Japanese Emperor for directions to the nearest alligator fighting ring, giving US soldiers enough time to forge his signature on the peace treaty.
- Somehow ran for president in 2016, and ended up winning by ranting about he wanted to open up a taco bell on every street, thereby winning the spic vote.
- Beat Usain Bolt in a race after seeing that Walmart had a discount and needed to be there as soon as possible.
- Dressed up as Mussolini for Halloween, and somehow brought the real Mussolini back to life out of pure agony, and beat him in beer pong, causing him to kill himself again.
- Spent 3 months trapped in taco bell kitchen after vowing to eat everything on the menu.
- Once choked to death after eating his own fingernails, but was revived due to being too fucking crazy for hell.
- Repelled alien attack by throwing his pet alligator at the UFO, scaring the aliens.
- 100% Floridian.